When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of your Life

Book - 1992
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Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances -- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions -- Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others -- Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator -- Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: - Can I set limits and still be a loving person? - What are legitimate boundaries? - What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? - How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? - Aren't boundaries selfish? - Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.

Publisher: Grand Rapids, Mich. : Zondervan Pub. House, c1992.
ISBN: 9780310585909
Branch Call Number: 248.4/CLOU
Characteristics: 314 p. ; 24 cm.
Additional Contributors: Townsend, John Sims 1952-


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Dec 28, 2018

If you want to avoid responsibility by blaming your problems on the people who love you the most, and become hyper-focused on your own needs rather than the needs of others, then this book is for you. But, if you want to love the way JESUS loves - fully, sacrificially, and with WISDOM, this book is unhelpful. It fails to see life as the struggle to master our sinfulness and rather sees life and relationships as a cold and calculated matter of categorization, distinction, and rules. A soulless work.

Oct 07, 2018

Too religious for me. I would instead recommend "Boundaries Where You End And I Begin," by Anne Katherine

May 21, 2018

A little too religious for an atheist but I appreciate Dr. Cloud's perspective and writing on the topic.

Best book ever. I was lent this book and it literally changed my life. I was raised by a parent with NPD, and I've always struggled with self worth, with saying no, with fear of offending people, etc. Yes- the authors are Christians- so if you're not into that, then this isn't the book for you. But it was a logical, methodical way to learn to deal with however you're maintaining boundaries and establishing them more fully.
Seriously- as I was so damaged, and still struggle with the guilt sometimes with asserting boundaries with my one parent in particular- I read or listen to this book at least once every other year.
Good luck! Great book!

Jul 24, 2017

All the Jesus talk and role sexism was too much of a turn off for me to get past the first chapter.

May 13, 2015

Boundaries are very important -- and -- yet -- somehow Cloud kept banging into my boundaries and it did not feel good. This is purely from a feeling point of view but I couldn't get over the feeling that he was non-empathetic and had little if any understanding of the emotional dynamics of the VICTIM. This book didn't work for me and I believe I can find another or solutions myself which will feel less like a restrictive one-size-fits-all formula and more fluid.

KeeMan May 10, 2013

Good for Self-esteem

Sep 02, 2012

This book has many useful ideas. I had to skip the last part as it was somewhat repetitive. I found the examples from scripture amusing rather than annoying. I can imagine how some people might get irritated by all the Jesus talk. Overall, it is an easy read and can be very useful.

Aug 06, 2012

Recommended in Patsy Clairmont book

Jul 28, 2012

Read it. Some people have problems understanding boundaries and unknowingly take advantage of others. This books helps you recognize that you must personally draw a line around yourself and not let others step over it and take advantage of you.

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